Dear Ones....
It's not that I have been gone....just busy. Well, for an update....I am now a year older....Yeah!. I am also engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. He's perfect for me. We are anxious to get married, but we have some obstacles in our way. I guess that is just the way it goes. I have noticed that when things are right, there is much more opposition. So, when things aren't going your way, I think it's best to ask...."what am I doing right?"......instead of "what am I doing wrong?". However, despite the obstacles, things are still falling into their proper places....I have bought a beautiful old stone home, which is perfect for my soon-to-be-spouse and I. My younger sister and I are occupying it until my fiance and I can marry, which is a bit of a challenge when your roommate is the exact opposite of you. However, we are managing just fine.....there is lots of compromise, but I guess that is just practice for married life...LOL! I love my life, and where things are headed. Being patient is the hard part though, when you have to wait. However, I think I am becoming a pro at the whole waiting game.
Since my engagement, I have had some friends fall by the way side, and some that were hurt.....including my Green friend who so lovingly made this website for me to share my thoughts and feelings......so, to all of you who feel a bit jilted, I wish to tell you that I am truly sorry. It was never my intention. Please be happy for me.....I have made the right decision for me, and I am truly happy. Oh, and dearest Green One.....I wish you to know that I got it all, and more. And even though you may not believe me.....it is possible for you too. And I so wish it for you. I love you as only great friends can. Besides, we will always have our music....LOL!
Keep smiling,
Kattie
Friday, July 11, 2008
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
F.E.A.R.
Hello Dearest Friends,
It's been a really long time. I could have written many times, but I guess I didn't really know what to write about. Now, I do. There is a man in my life that really loves me, believes a lot in me, and has many hopes and dreams, but the difference between us, is I am encumbered by fear. I still do things, it just takes me a whole lot longer to get things done, because it's harder for me to become comfortable enough to move my feet. This man I speak of, just forges on without fear. It amazes me. He said something to me today, which made a whole lot of sense. He said, "For every soul in life, there is no spiritual restrictions, only physical." I've thought about it; I'm still thinking about it... and he's right; the only thing in my way is physical. Oddly enough, that "physical" thing in my way; is me. I can't seem to get past myself. I keep putting on the brakes, so to speak, because I'm constantly getting pushed towards boundaries where I feel unsafe. This man pushes me because he believes in me, and sees things in me, that I don't always see in myself. As of late, I have been feeling like I'm treading on quicksand. Things in my life are unknown to me, and it scares me. I hide behind myself, until I feel that the ground is safe enough to walk on.
I'm a walking contradiction in terms. I know I have great potential, yet I fear it. I know I have many talents and abilities, yet I'm afraid to share them. I know I can do anything, yet I don't do all I know I can. I am a person who is filled with love for everyone, including myself, and yet the person I most fear; is me. I know I'm beautiful, very capable, and worthwhile, yet I have these age-old voices in my head, of people from my past, still telling me the opposite. Through a lot of emotionally hard work, I've come so far. I've figured out answers to many of my questions. I've passed many milestones. I've come to love myself, and my life. And I've come to know that people love me. Why, in all that love, is fear still there?
ANSWER: F.E.A.R - (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal
One place I feel totally safe, is in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And in that, the Lord wants us to rise to our full potential. My mother always tells me, "Feel the fear, and do it anyway." Usually the things we are afraid to do, are the things that bring us the most blessings, yet even though I know that, I can't bring myself to let go, and move forward uninhibited. In the movie "Ambulance Girl", on cable's Lifetime Movie Network (LMN), Kathy Bates does an epilogue at the end, and speaks on fear. She states, "Fear is like a hologram. It seems real; filled with substance, and then when you go beyond it, you realize it was just an illusion." I've gone beyond fear's illusion before, many times, and it's true; it is just an illusion. And yet again, even though I know that, I still feel fear. I just know that I have been blessed with so much love in my life. It surrounds, and envelops me. I know that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me, and never let's me get comfortable, because He wants me to grow, and become who He knows I can become. He has sent people in my life, to help show me all the things He sees in me, that I haven't been able to see for myself. Now, I have new voices that cheer me on, speak so kindly to me, treat me with love and respect, and gently push me to be better. These new voices want me to be safe, and want me to have every blessing this side of Heaven. How blessed am I!
I may move slower than most, but I am moving. I have never been one to settle, even though my feet want to stay firmly planted. I may be afraid, but I am not going to let that stop me. Elder Thomas S. Monson said, "One can never settle for mediocrity when greatness is within his grasp." That is why I am moving forward. I have learned so many things, and hope to learn more. One of the greatest things to know is that you are never left alone. In that, there is safety and peace.
Forging onward,
Kattie
It's been a really long time. I could have written many times, but I guess I didn't really know what to write about. Now, I do. There is a man in my life that really loves me, believes a lot in me, and has many hopes and dreams, but the difference between us, is I am encumbered by fear. I still do things, it just takes me a whole lot longer to get things done, because it's harder for me to become comfortable enough to move my feet. This man I speak of, just forges on without fear. It amazes me. He said something to me today, which made a whole lot of sense. He said, "For every soul in life, there is no spiritual restrictions, only physical." I've thought about it; I'm still thinking about it... and he's right; the only thing in my way is physical. Oddly enough, that "physical" thing in my way; is me. I can't seem to get past myself. I keep putting on the brakes, so to speak, because I'm constantly getting pushed towards boundaries where I feel unsafe. This man pushes me because he believes in me, and sees things in me, that I don't always see in myself. As of late, I have been feeling like I'm treading on quicksand. Things in my life are unknown to me, and it scares me. I hide behind myself, until I feel that the ground is safe enough to walk on.
I'm a walking contradiction in terms. I know I have great potential, yet I fear it. I know I have many talents and abilities, yet I'm afraid to share them. I know I can do anything, yet I don't do all I know I can. I am a person who is filled with love for everyone, including myself, and yet the person I most fear; is me. I know I'm beautiful, very capable, and worthwhile, yet I have these age-old voices in my head, of people from my past, still telling me the opposite. Through a lot of emotionally hard work, I've come so far. I've figured out answers to many of my questions. I've passed many milestones. I've come to love myself, and my life. And I've come to know that people love me. Why, in all that love, is fear still there?
ANSWER: F.E.A.R - (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal
One place I feel totally safe, is in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And in that, the Lord wants us to rise to our full potential. My mother always tells me, "Feel the fear, and do it anyway." Usually the things we are afraid to do, are the things that bring us the most blessings, yet even though I know that, I can't bring myself to let go, and move forward uninhibited. In the movie "Ambulance Girl", on cable's Lifetime Movie Network (LMN), Kathy Bates does an epilogue at the end, and speaks on fear. She states, "Fear is like a hologram. It seems real; filled with substance, and then when you go beyond it, you realize it was just an illusion." I've gone beyond fear's illusion before, many times, and it's true; it is just an illusion. And yet again, even though I know that, I still feel fear. I just know that I have been blessed with so much love in my life. It surrounds, and envelops me. I know that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me, and never let's me get comfortable, because He wants me to grow, and become who He knows I can become. He has sent people in my life, to help show me all the things He sees in me, that I haven't been able to see for myself. Now, I have new voices that cheer me on, speak so kindly to me, treat me with love and respect, and gently push me to be better. These new voices want me to be safe, and want me to have every blessing this side of Heaven. How blessed am I!
I may move slower than most, but I am moving. I have never been one to settle, even though my feet want to stay firmly planted. I may be afraid, but I am not going to let that stop me. Elder Thomas S. Monson said, "One can never settle for mediocrity when greatness is within his grasp." That is why I am moving forward. I have learned so many things, and hope to learn more. One of the greatest things to know is that you are never left alone. In that, there is safety and peace.
Forging onward,
Kattie
Monday, June 25, 2007
POSSIBLE
Dearest Friends,
I thought I would talk about judging. I've been severely judged by people my whole life. And at times, by some of my "friends". I've come to realize one important thing: what they feel is their problem, and it doesn't have to affect me. The words of my mother run through my head: "Bless their hearts, they have a problem." And I add......"I'm so grateful it isn't mine." We all choose to feel the way we do, and therefore we can change it. The world thinks we are the way we are and we can't change, but I'm living proof that change is possible. In fact, the world is living proof that things can change with each breath we take.....because of the choices we make. The important thing is that we do our best, and love one another. Sometimes it's hard, but you just do it. If you feel you can't; fake it until you make it. Be strong. Let other's offenses and opinions roll off you. You are yourself, you can be the best, and other's negative voices don't have to influence you at all. Be great. Be happy.
In Faith,
Kattie
I thought I would talk about judging. I've been severely judged by people my whole life. And at times, by some of my "friends". I've come to realize one important thing: what they feel is their problem, and it doesn't have to affect me. The words of my mother run through my head: "Bless their hearts, they have a problem." And I add......"I'm so grateful it isn't mine." We all choose to feel the way we do, and therefore we can change it. The world thinks we are the way we are and we can't change, but I'm living proof that change is possible. In fact, the world is living proof that things can change with each breath we take.....because of the choices we make. The important thing is that we do our best, and love one another. Sometimes it's hard, but you just do it. If you feel you can't; fake it until you make it. Be strong. Let other's offenses and opinions roll off you. You are yourself, you can be the best, and other's negative voices don't have to influence you at all. Be great. Be happy.
In Faith,
Kattie
Monday, June 11, 2007
To Walk With The Lord
Dearest Friends,
For the constant companionship of the Lord, we must choose to do that which will invite His spirit to be with us. We need to make correct choices. We all make mistakes, for we are only human, but we do have the power to correct it, and because of the Savior's atonement, we can repent and be forgiven. We also need to allow Him to dwell with us, even if we feel unworthy of His company. The Savior always beckons, "Come unto me." His soft words are for us, the sinner, to return to safety, from the tempestuous sea that can drown us. No matter how lost, how broken, how damaged we feel, His arms are open and ready to welcome us, for He loves us. In the book of Alma, fifth chapter, thirty-third verse, in the Book of Mormon, it reads; "Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you." And the most awesome thing is that no matter how many times we mess up, if we truly repent, He will recieve us every time. We just need to have faith in Him. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said; "Our fundamental requirement is to have faith in Christ and follow Him - always. When He bids us to walk in His way and by His light, it is because He has walked this way before us, and He has made it safe for our own travel here. He knows where the sharp stones and stumbling blocks lie hidden and where the thorns and thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes." The Lord wants our safety and for us to be happy. We just need to submit our will, admit we cannot do it alone, then allow the Lord to guide us. In that, there is safety, happiness, and peace. The adversary has lavish and distracting views that can entice and tempt us, but if we trust in the Lord, He will protect us against those tactics and vices that can destroy us. Living the ways of the world is "another way", but the "better way" is the Lord's way. I pray that you may make the correct choices so that you may feel safe and protected.
In His Arms,
Kattie
For the constant companionship of the Lord, we must choose to do that which will invite His spirit to be with us. We need to make correct choices. We all make mistakes, for we are only human, but we do have the power to correct it, and because of the Savior's atonement, we can repent and be forgiven. We also need to allow Him to dwell with us, even if we feel unworthy of His company. The Savior always beckons, "Come unto me." His soft words are for us, the sinner, to return to safety, from the tempestuous sea that can drown us. No matter how lost, how broken, how damaged we feel, His arms are open and ready to welcome us, for He loves us. In the book of Alma, fifth chapter, thirty-third verse, in the Book of Mormon, it reads; "Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you." And the most awesome thing is that no matter how many times we mess up, if we truly repent, He will recieve us every time. We just need to have faith in Him. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said; "Our fundamental requirement is to have faith in Christ and follow Him - always. When He bids us to walk in His way and by His light, it is because He has walked this way before us, and He has made it safe for our own travel here. He knows where the sharp stones and stumbling blocks lie hidden and where the thorns and thistles are the most severe. He knows where the path is perilous, and He knows which way to go when the road forks and nightfall comes." The Lord wants our safety and for us to be happy. We just need to submit our will, admit we cannot do it alone, then allow the Lord to guide us. In that, there is safety, happiness, and peace. The adversary has lavish and distracting views that can entice and tempt us, but if we trust in the Lord, He will protect us against those tactics and vices that can destroy us. Living the ways of the world is "another way", but the "better way" is the Lord's way. I pray that you may make the correct choices so that you may feel safe and protected.
In His Arms,
Kattie
Friday, June 1, 2007
EXCITEMENT!
Dear Friends,
Wow! How time does fly! Before you know it, it's gone, and you are left wondering where it all went. Keeping up with this is difficult sometimes. I've been blessed with some wonderful experiences that are helping things move right along in my life. I am feeling, very strongly, that I am going be getting married soon. It's like there is this air of excitement, and I'm anxious, nervous, excited, and a bit afraid all at the same time. I feel wonderful things are going to be happening, and it's just a wonderful feeling. I love the Lord. I love my life. I love my friends. I am abundantly blessed! What's next for me? I have no idea. But...............oh! How I can't wait to find out. I think the best part of life is the mystery of it. Uncertainty keeps you on your toes, and it's up to us to make the correct decisions for ourselves, so that we may enjoy the abundant life. Life is exciting, and I want to soak it all in, and learn all that I can. Life awaits. Make wise choices. Then..............embrace it! Love it! And live it to the fullest!
Many blessings,
Kattie
Wow! How time does fly! Before you know it, it's gone, and you are left wondering where it all went. Keeping up with this is difficult sometimes. I've been blessed with some wonderful experiences that are helping things move right along in my life. I am feeling, very strongly, that I am going be getting married soon. It's like there is this air of excitement, and I'm anxious, nervous, excited, and a bit afraid all at the same time. I feel wonderful things are going to be happening, and it's just a wonderful feeling. I love the Lord. I love my life. I love my friends. I am abundantly blessed! What's next for me? I have no idea. But...............oh! How I can't wait to find out. I think the best part of life is the mystery of it. Uncertainty keeps you on your toes, and it's up to us to make the correct decisions for ourselves, so that we may enjoy the abundant life. Life is exciting, and I want to soak it all in, and learn all that I can. Life awaits. Make wise choices. Then..............embrace it! Love it! And live it to the fullest!
Many blessings,
Kattie
Sunday, May 20, 2007
NEW HORIZONS
Hello Friends,
I'm sorry it takes me forever to write, it's just life has been busy. I have had many good experiences, and some ordinary days. Life has its twist and turns, and getting tied up in the pretzel of it all, is easy to do. I don't always know what to write or say, but as I write, things tend to flow. I've got so many ideas going thru my mind of how I want my life to turn out, and where I want to end up. I've been seriously thinking about my life and its direction, since a remarkable young man passed away. I'm rather a late bloomer. I am old enough to be a college graduate with a P.H.D., but I am not. I am old enough to be married, and a mother, yet I am not. I grew up a coward. Afraid to take risks and enjoy opportunities that presented themselves. I hid from life, and therefore I missed out on many things. Instead, I watched others live life the way I wanted to. I can't get back those lost moments, but I can live each day to the fullest, from this day on. I still struggle with my fears. I struggle everyday, but I'm tiptoeing forward. At least I'm not standing still. You know, looking back, I did miss out on many things, but I gained other things I wouldn't have any other way. Being a bigger woman most of my life, I have learned so much. What was once a source of unbearable ridicule, I realized was a blessing. I was protected from many hardships that people encounter. So, it may have been a trial at the time, but I'm the better for it. I love my life. I love who I am, although I still have things I want to change and make better, and most of all, I love who I am becoming. I have this friend of mine who opened a charity organization, taking care of homeless and motherless children. What an inspiration! I realized how much I wanted to give of myself, like him, and how much I wish I was there to help. Where that is not an option right now, I have chosen a path that is a little scary for me, but one that will end with many blessings. I am going to go back to school. Since the Lord blessed me with an intelligent mind, I better put it to good use. Also, now, where I am "coming out of hiding", so to speak, I have opportunities that I thought I wouldn't ever have. I am now aware that my dream of getting married and having an eternal family can be a reality. Things are slowly falling into place. I guess I didn't really miss anything after all, like I thought I had. I have the rest of my life to receive and enjoy the blessings I once thought were gone forever. I guess I just simply needed to change my focus. What a vast horizon of possibilities my life holds! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. I wish so many wonderful things for all of you. Turn your head, chase your own horizon, and live life to the fullest.
Many blessings,
Kattie
I'm sorry it takes me forever to write, it's just life has been busy. I have had many good experiences, and some ordinary days. Life has its twist and turns, and getting tied up in the pretzel of it all, is easy to do. I don't always know what to write or say, but as I write, things tend to flow. I've got so many ideas going thru my mind of how I want my life to turn out, and where I want to end up. I've been seriously thinking about my life and its direction, since a remarkable young man passed away. I'm rather a late bloomer. I am old enough to be a college graduate with a P.H.D., but I am not. I am old enough to be married, and a mother, yet I am not. I grew up a coward. Afraid to take risks and enjoy opportunities that presented themselves. I hid from life, and therefore I missed out on many things. Instead, I watched others live life the way I wanted to. I can't get back those lost moments, but I can live each day to the fullest, from this day on. I still struggle with my fears. I struggle everyday, but I'm tiptoeing forward. At least I'm not standing still. You know, looking back, I did miss out on many things, but I gained other things I wouldn't have any other way. Being a bigger woman most of my life, I have learned so much. What was once a source of unbearable ridicule, I realized was a blessing. I was protected from many hardships that people encounter. So, it may have been a trial at the time, but I'm the better for it. I love my life. I love who I am, although I still have things I want to change and make better, and most of all, I love who I am becoming. I have this friend of mine who opened a charity organization, taking care of homeless and motherless children. What an inspiration! I realized how much I wanted to give of myself, like him, and how much I wish I was there to help. Where that is not an option right now, I have chosen a path that is a little scary for me, but one that will end with many blessings. I am going to go back to school. Since the Lord blessed me with an intelligent mind, I better put it to good use. Also, now, where I am "coming out of hiding", so to speak, I have opportunities that I thought I wouldn't ever have. I am now aware that my dream of getting married and having an eternal family can be a reality. Things are slowly falling into place. I guess I didn't really miss anything after all, like I thought I had. I have the rest of my life to receive and enjoy the blessings I once thought were gone forever. I guess I just simply needed to change my focus. What a vast horizon of possibilities my life holds! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me. I wish so many wonderful things for all of you. Turn your head, chase your own horizon, and live life to the fullest.
Many blessings,
Kattie
Monday, May 14, 2007
SWEET FORGIVENESS
Dearest Friends,
I have this friend that means so very much to me. I've only known this friend for a little while, but this person has become very dear to my heart. This friend of mine is hurting. Bound by anger, hatred, and bitterness that cankers and consumes. Oh, how I wish I could take the pain away, but all I can do is cry with my friend. You know, when you mess up, you feel bad, guilty even, and you want forgiveness. Forgiveness is so much easier to receive than to give. I once was bound by anger and bitterness, and all it did was hurt me. As much as I wanted it to hurt those that hurt me, it didn't. I had to let go, because I didn't like who I was becoming. I was unhappy. It was so hard to forgive and let go, because I didn't feel like justice had been served. In fact, I felt like I was losing a battle. A battle that I had lost once before to those who trespassed against me. As I sat in church yesterday, our lesson was on forgiving others with all our hearts. All I could think about was my friend, and how much I wanted to share what I knew in my heart. As I forgave others, I felt peace, and sweet release. I left things in the Lord's hands, because I couldn't carry the burden anymore. Forgiving others of wrongs against you, of course is hard to do, but it can be done. "Man can conquer self. Man can overcome. Man can forgive all who have trespassed against him and go on to receive peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come." (The Miracle of Forgiveness, pg 300). The price of forgiving others may seem high, but I promise, the sweetness of peace that you feel, is worth all the cost. Forgive so that you may feel the freedom of that which binds you. It really is worth it.
Love,
Kattie
I have this friend that means so very much to me. I've only known this friend for a little while, but this person has become very dear to my heart. This friend of mine is hurting. Bound by anger, hatred, and bitterness that cankers and consumes. Oh, how I wish I could take the pain away, but all I can do is cry with my friend. You know, when you mess up, you feel bad, guilty even, and you want forgiveness. Forgiveness is so much easier to receive than to give. I once was bound by anger and bitterness, and all it did was hurt me. As much as I wanted it to hurt those that hurt me, it didn't. I had to let go, because I didn't like who I was becoming. I was unhappy. It was so hard to forgive and let go, because I didn't feel like justice had been served. In fact, I felt like I was losing a battle. A battle that I had lost once before to those who trespassed against me. As I sat in church yesterday, our lesson was on forgiving others with all our hearts. All I could think about was my friend, and how much I wanted to share what I knew in my heart. As I forgave others, I felt peace, and sweet release. I left things in the Lord's hands, because I couldn't carry the burden anymore. Forgiving others of wrongs against you, of course is hard to do, but it can be done. "Man can conquer self. Man can overcome. Man can forgive all who have trespassed against him and go on to receive peace in this life and eternal life in the world to come." (The Miracle of Forgiveness, pg 300). The price of forgiving others may seem high, but I promise, the sweetness of peace that you feel, is worth all the cost. Forgive so that you may feel the freedom of that which binds you. It really is worth it.
Love,
Kattie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
